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After a week of caring for two sick little ones, I've finally been hit myself and don't have much energy.
Luckily, I wrote the bulk of this post a couple of weeks ago and am still able to share it with you today.
My grandmother, Gladys, died of ALS1 when I was about three years old.
I have so few of my own memories of her, one of which is of me being lifted onto her hospice bed in my grandparents' living room to say goodbye. And while I have no way of knowing whether this memory is of our final goodbye, I've always looked back at that moment as a kind of closure.
My mother has shared stories about my grandmother with me throughout my life, stories about her garden and the time she spent there, her green thumb evident in the beautiful tiered beds and hanging plants she tended each year; but I think my favourite has always been about how she always had several different kinds of books and magazines going at the same time, laid out together and marked in various stages of reading, ready to be picked up whenever she was ready.
I remember how I loved that we had a love of reading in common, but I used to balk at the idea of reading more than one or two (if one was for school) books at a time. I would individually savour and devour each one, often in less than a day, before moving onto the next.
I loved this way of reading. It felt so satisfying.
But years later, after reading almost nothing for a decade (following my time as an English major and subsequent burnout) - and now that I have two small children and my days are no longer full of large pockets of free time for leisurely reading - I'm proud to say that I read like my grandmother.
I have multiple different genres and formats going at once, and I pick them up and put them down at different times of the day or in different settings because, in an unexpected way, this kind of reading that has allowed me to read the way I used to - devouring books, and feeling satisfied.
Kendra Adachi of the Lazy Genius2 has what she calls a principle of living in the season; in essence, this means recognizing where we are in life and adjusting our expectations and habits to fit, so we can make the most of where we are and avoid adding unnecessary frustration via unmet expectations.
So this is the season I am in now. For a while, this frustrated me, because I felt like I should still be reading just one book at a time, the way I used to when it was easier. But that is not sustainable in this season of my life, and now that I've let go of my expectations for how my reading should look, I've made room for the reality of how it can be, which is honestly so gratifying.
I think about my grandmother and these things I know about her, about her garden and her many books, and what they say about who she was and how she lived.
Her reading habits, like her garden, seem to be evidence of her living into each season of her life, the way I'm now learning to live into mine, and I feel connected to her in a way I never expected.
I'm so grateful.
Do you have any unexpected connections to lost loved ones, or reading habits you'd like to share? I'd love to hear about them in the comments! And, as always, feel free to share if this resonated with you.
Also known as Lou Gehrig's disease
Kendra has a podcast (and a book) called The Lazy Genius; putting aside my feelings about the word “lazy” - which she herself has said is kind of a misnomer for her methods - I love her work. She helps people consider what really matters to them and find ways to prioritize their values and let go of the rest.
I love this so much! I must admit, I was ready for this to be about reading speed and was ready to come in and say "ME TOOOO," but this was so much sweeter. Such a beautiful connection to have with someone you weren't able to have an extended physical bond with yourself. I have recently given myself permission to read or listen to more than one thing at once, especially as I ease back into fiction reading for pleasure again. I'm glad you're meeting yourself where you are and making space for what you need in this season.
I love this, and the idea of living in the season! That feels like one of those things I've had to learn the hard way and seeing it put so succinctly is like...yes, that. As I told my partners the other day while we struggled to fit the giant thrifted calico critters dollhouses into our rearranged living room - this is just a season!