I often remember how much, as a child, I would get the silent treatment, think I did something wrong, and go about trying to fix all the things that I could have possibly messed up. Something that was huge was just the fact that emotions weren’t talked about and so I was left to guess--and I always guessed it was something I’d done.
As an adult with children, it’s been huge to just describe to my son what I’m feeling and why. And I’ll be real, sometimes his behaviour is difficult and I will let him know that (“when you do this, I feel this, and I need you to do this instead” is the format I try to keep to, not making him a bad child but just a child that does things sometimes). But his empathy for me in those moments is beyond what I could have done at his age. For example, my husband was working out of town for half a week and home the other half. It was not ideal, and I struggled a lot towards the end. I had a tough moment, put my head in my hands, and told my son something like I’m having a hard time. And he asked me if it was a hard day without daddy. Wow, just that one question, and tears welled up in my eyes, and it really dissipated my hard feelings. He didn’t need to fix it, but his words sure helped me that day.
We don’t do it perfectly, but we try to be honest about our difficult feelings, and I think it provides the kids such relief to know what’s happening, because they obviously sense these things, and if we don’t walk them through it, they’re left playing the guessing game, too.
I see your vulnerable heart; it’s so good and hard to think about and process these things, but I feel less alone when I read posts like this ❤️
I definitely also got the silent treatment and spent a lot of time wondering what I did wrong over things that had little or nothing to do with me.
I also have found that just being open with my kids can be helpful - and not just for them. Sometimes, just saying, "I'm having a hard time" releases something a bit for me and allows me to soften. But my oldest also has those moments of empathy, which can really disrupt my difficult feelings.
This is a great reminder of how much of a difference just a little extra communication can make in processing someone else's feelings. Thank you for that.
Wow, this post deeply resonated with me. Thank you for sharing. I really struggle with feelings of anger and letting myself be in a bad mood and showing it. I have trained myself not to let any negative emotions show but i am also learning that these feelings are valid and I am allowed to show them
It's been hard for me to process, and I figured I wasn't alone. I have to learn how to tap into that sacred rage without taking it out on my people. It's a lot. And like many other things, I definitely feel like I've been waiting for *permission* to be angry. Somehow, when you feel like you're allowed to feel that way, it becomes a bit easier to carry, doesn't it?
This stuff is hard. No one avoids scars. If we are taking time to learn from the pain, even if the learning happens years later, those scars provide for good stories.
I often remember how much, as a child, I would get the silent treatment, think I did something wrong, and go about trying to fix all the things that I could have possibly messed up. Something that was huge was just the fact that emotions weren’t talked about and so I was left to guess--and I always guessed it was something I’d done.
As an adult with children, it’s been huge to just describe to my son what I’m feeling and why. And I’ll be real, sometimes his behaviour is difficult and I will let him know that (“when you do this, I feel this, and I need you to do this instead” is the format I try to keep to, not making him a bad child but just a child that does things sometimes). But his empathy for me in those moments is beyond what I could have done at his age. For example, my husband was working out of town for half a week and home the other half. It was not ideal, and I struggled a lot towards the end. I had a tough moment, put my head in my hands, and told my son something like I’m having a hard time. And he asked me if it was a hard day without daddy. Wow, just that one question, and tears welled up in my eyes, and it really dissipated my hard feelings. He didn’t need to fix it, but his words sure helped me that day.
We don’t do it perfectly, but we try to be honest about our difficult feelings, and I think it provides the kids such relief to know what’s happening, because they obviously sense these things, and if we don’t walk them through it, they’re left playing the guessing game, too.
I see your vulnerable heart; it’s so good and hard to think about and process these things, but I feel less alone when I read posts like this ❤️
I definitely also got the silent treatment and spent a lot of time wondering what I did wrong over things that had little or nothing to do with me.
I also have found that just being open with my kids can be helpful - and not just for them. Sometimes, just saying, "I'm having a hard time" releases something a bit for me and allows me to soften. But my oldest also has those moments of empathy, which can really disrupt my difficult feelings.
This is a great reminder of how much of a difference just a little extra communication can make in processing someone else's feelings. Thank you for that.
I'm so glad you found this helpful as well. ❤️
Wow, this post deeply resonated with me. Thank you for sharing. I really struggle with feelings of anger and letting myself be in a bad mood and showing it. I have trained myself not to let any negative emotions show but i am also learning that these feelings are valid and I am allowed to show them
It's been hard for me to process, and I figured I wasn't alone. I have to learn how to tap into that sacred rage without taking it out on my people. It's a lot. And like many other things, I definitely feel like I've been waiting for *permission* to be angry. Somehow, when you feel like you're allowed to feel that way, it becomes a bit easier to carry, doesn't it?
Thank you for sharing.
This stuff is hard. No one avoids scars. If we are taking time to learn from the pain, even if the learning happens years later, those scars provide for good stories.