I had to get out of bed because...

For when getting up feels hard

A few weeks ago, when I was having trouble sleeping every night, I also (understandably) found it really difficult to get out of bed every day. But, of course, I didn't really have a choice.

I had to get out of bed because I have two small children who depend on me. I had to get out of bed because my husband relies on my caring for our children so that he can go to work. I had to get out of bed because, eventually, the dog would need to go out. I had to get out of bed because I needed to pee and feed myself.

I had to get out of bed.

Telling myself all this didn't feel very helpful or motivating, though. It just made me more resentful and frustrated.

I didn't want to get out of bed because I had to. I didn't want to get out of bed at all.

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Photo by Liz Vo on Unsplash

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I looked out my bedroom window at the sky on one of those mornings, and it happened to be a particularly gorgeous colour, and I found at least a part of myself wanting to get up so I could go outside to see it before it disappeared.

So that day, I started writing down one thing, whether spontaneous - like the sky that morning - or planned, that made me want to get out of bed, even a little, each day.

I was still tired. I still didn't entirely want to get out of bed every day. It didn't make all the hard things easier. And I still would've had to get out of bed either way.

But I could always find one thing. And that was something.

I shared last week about my new medications making me feel hopeful and capable and more connected to my body again, and promptly realized I had rushed things a bit. Well - a lot, actually.

My body still hasn't caught up from the lack of sleep from the prior weeks, and after those first few excited days of almost-constant movement, my shoulders have been so sore and tight that I have barely felt like I could hold myself up, let alone do anything else.

I have been in bed at almost every opportunity.

I also just had a follow-up with my primary care provider about the Vyvanse, and we agreed to try switching to a non-stimulant medication that wouldn't affect my POTS, which means starting over and having to wait longer to see whether or not it works.

This has been discouraging, to say the least, but I'm doing my best to prioritize rest and know that this will pass, and remember that I will still be capable of doing things when my body is finally ready to start again (more slowly, this time).

I am trying to be gentle with myself.

Ironically, (now that I'm having the opposite problem - wanting to get up but not being able to as much) I thought that today, I would share my list of things that made me want to get out of bed on some of those hard days.

I stopped writing everything down after about two weeks, but I'm still finding things, even now.

I had to get out of bed because…

• the sky was the most incredible pink, and I didn't want to miss it.

• there were projects to plan.

• there were books to read and things to learn.

• everyone else was sleeping in and the house was quiet, but the birds were not.

• there was good conversation to be had, and time to be spent without my kids touching me for hours.

• there were fun surprises to share.

• there was an exciting package to receive, and a cleaner house to enjoy.

• there were ideas to explore.

• there was rainy day coziness to be had.

• there was rest to prioritize.

• there was patriarchy to smash.

• there was a painting to finish.

• there was a solar eclipse to watch.

• there were windows to open.

What made you get out of bed today? I'd love to hear about it in the comments. And as always, feel free to share if this resonated with you!