Wow. Um, this resonated so much. Not so much with the children aspect. I have two and even though hubby would have loved a third, I was like nah, fam I'm good. That second one was a doozy.
But I digress.
I too was told I could be anything but took the "path of least resistance" - for me, it was to become a teacher. I wanted to be a sahm at some point so that was presented to me as the ideal plan. Be a teacher, get summers off, and holidays (hahahaha, teachers work harder than anyone on the planet!)
I had no real interest in any particular career so I majored in education.
I had a 30 on one try at the ACT and stayed at home and went to a tiny college in South Arkansas because I was scared I couldn't handle going off to school. All that to say, I got that teaching degree. Married and divorced an asshole within 3 years.. Only actually taught a couple of years. Got remarried, had kids, stayed home, lived the SAHM/work part time/volunteer at the school life - and it was great/fine/good. But I had absolutely no interest in going into education again after subbing for years (well lots of reasons including small town Southern politics). So I worked retail some, got cancer, got better, and for several years have been the head b in charge at a tiny one man law firm. I'm it. Paralegal, office manager, case manager. Everything but the lawyer. And I like it a lot. I don't make a lot but mine is the supplemental income, so that's ok. It's totally flexible. And it may be coming to an end. My boss is ill. We are having to sell the office building. It could all fall apart at any moment. And if it does, then what? I don't necessarily want to go work in law just anywhere. I don't know what I want. I'm fifty years old and I have no idea what I want. And the worry over what comes next supercedes what is now.
Thank you so much for sharing that, Karri. What a journey. The not knowing can be so difficult. I hope when the time comes you'll have the opportunity to do something you love, however that may look.
I hear that! I mean, I thought we wouldn’t have children, then maybe just one, and then two sounded good, so who knows if we’ll want another. But I’ve held on to baby items and I’m wondering if I should just sell them in the spring to make room for the life we do have. Maybe supporting other parents and holding their babies and children will be fulfilling in its own way that I’ve also dreamed about for a long time.
And yes to all the things about wanting more capacity and not to be in burnout and rushing your own process I need to have it figured out in order to move forward.
Things just don’t quite work as smoothly as I’d like 🤔
They really don't, do they? I'm hoping that this year of exploring my autonomy will help me learn how to deal when things inevitably do not go as smoothly as I'd like😅
Whew. A! I felt these words so deeply because a lot of them mirror my own sentiments. I even wrote about motherhood woes this morning as well. I never wanted children and always said I wouldn’t have them. Then when I first started dating my daughter’s father and our relationship seemingly progressed towards marriage, I was more open to having one. Then the pandemic came and said “welp, here you go!” 🤣 I know for sure that I will not be having more children especially with how much I hyper focus on not “messing her up” with all my things as is. Thank you for sharing your heart, as usual!
I'm so glad you were able to connect with it, Ashleigh. I was just working my way through my newsletters from this morning and about to read your post - looking forward to it!
Wow. Um, this resonated so much. Not so much with the children aspect. I have two and even though hubby would have loved a third, I was like nah, fam I'm good. That second one was a doozy.
But I digress.
I too was told I could be anything but took the "path of least resistance" - for me, it was to become a teacher. I wanted to be a sahm at some point so that was presented to me as the ideal plan. Be a teacher, get summers off, and holidays (hahahaha, teachers work harder than anyone on the planet!)
I had no real interest in any particular career so I majored in education.
I had a 30 on one try at the ACT and stayed at home and went to a tiny college in South Arkansas because I was scared I couldn't handle going off to school. All that to say, I got that teaching degree. Married and divorced an asshole within 3 years.. Only actually taught a couple of years. Got remarried, had kids, stayed home, lived the SAHM/work part time/volunteer at the school life - and it was great/fine/good. But I had absolutely no interest in going into education again after subbing for years (well lots of reasons including small town Southern politics). So I worked retail some, got cancer, got better, and for several years have been the head b in charge at a tiny one man law firm. I'm it. Paralegal, office manager, case manager. Everything but the lawyer. And I like it a lot. I don't make a lot but mine is the supplemental income, so that's ok. It's totally flexible. And it may be coming to an end. My boss is ill. We are having to sell the office building. It could all fall apart at any moment. And if it does, then what? I don't necessarily want to go work in law just anywhere. I don't know what I want. I'm fifty years old and I have no idea what I want. And the worry over what comes next supercedes what is now.
So I get it.
Thank you so much for sharing that, Karri. What a journey. The not knowing can be so difficult. I hope when the time comes you'll have the opportunity to do something you love, however that may look.
I hear that! I mean, I thought we wouldn’t have children, then maybe just one, and then two sounded good, so who knows if we’ll want another. But I’ve held on to baby items and I’m wondering if I should just sell them in the spring to make room for the life we do have. Maybe supporting other parents and holding their babies and children will be fulfilling in its own way that I’ve also dreamed about for a long time.
And yes to all the things about wanting more capacity and not to be in burnout and rushing your own process I need to have it figured out in order to move forward.
Things just don’t quite work as smoothly as I’d like 🤔
They really don't, do they? I'm hoping that this year of exploring my autonomy will help me learn how to deal when things inevitably do not go as smoothly as I'd like😅
Whew. A! I felt these words so deeply because a lot of them mirror my own sentiments. I even wrote about motherhood woes this morning as well. I never wanted children and always said I wouldn’t have them. Then when I first started dating my daughter’s father and our relationship seemingly progressed towards marriage, I was more open to having one. Then the pandemic came and said “welp, here you go!” 🤣 I know for sure that I will not be having more children especially with how much I hyper focus on not “messing her up” with all my things as is. Thank you for sharing your heart, as usual!
I'm so glad you were able to connect with it, Ashleigh. I was just working my way through my newsletters from this morning and about to read your post - looking forward to it!