Wintering & gathering

On reevaluating traditions to make room for rest

I started wintering “early” this year. I've been getting signals from my body over the last few months that it's time to slow down, and I'm (sometimes reluctantly) doing my best to listen.

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Photo by Aditya Vyas on Unsplash

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When I first read

Katherine May

’s Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat During Difficult Times, it was July of 2022, the summer after I realized I was autistic. I was deeply burnt out, and only just starting to understand why.

The concept of wintering really hit home, and I knew that in order to care for myself well, I would need to put it into practice, not just for the coming winter, but throughout various seasons for the rest of my life.

For me, this means being diligent about getting enough rest, and prioritizing restful activities; this looks like taking naps when I can, doing puzzles, reading, and knitting.

It means making very few plans - especially those involving more than a handful of people and/or people I don't know.

It means letting go of things, such as traditions around this time of year, that don't serve my wellbeing.

I recently finished reading The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker and have been reevaluating the purpose of gathering (particularly this time of year), and how I want to create some new traditions and gatherings that feel good and add value to our family without depleting us.

My daughter's fifth birthday is coming up at the end of December, and I realized not only that I don't have the energy or desire to throw her a big loud party during peak holiday/sick season, but also that I have no idea how she would really like to celebrate her birthday.

So, in an effort to honour my own needs, I've ruled out an at-home party (which would require getting the house ready for guests as much as ourselves) as well as any venue that's very loud and bright (no indoor bouncy things, for example).

And, in an effort to honour hers, we're going to have a conversation about some possible options, and what feels important to her. So far, I know we're going to do something fairy tale themed, and that she wants a dragon cake.

I want her birthday to feel special and magical for her; and while honouring my own needs in this case means ruling out many of the most common options for parties in the middle of winter, I'm confident that we can find a way to celebrate that will suit all of us.

And isn't that really the point of it all?

I am (quite literally) exhausted by trying to continue following unspoken rules about things we “should” want or do - specifically when it comes to things like holiday traditions, but also more broadly.

For some time now, I've been working to reframe the expectations I have for myself and for my life.

I want to examine why we do things the way we do them, who that really serves, and how we can move forward in a way that's truly honouring to each of us, even when that means letting go of things that used to feel important.

I want to value the necessary slowing down that allows me to enjoy the plans that are worth making.

I want to feel peace as I retreat inward to rest and heal, knowing that this season will pass and I'll eventually have energy for more…

And knowing that when that time comes, I may want or need different things than what I, or anyone else, expected.

Do you feel like you're honouring your needs this season? Is there anything you're letting go of? Or something new you're making space for? Let us know in the comments! And, as always, feel free to share if this resonated with you.