Thoughts with shimmering edges
On itchy brains, feeling stuck, and possibility
You know how when you play a video game or you watch an old cartoon, and everything in the background looks a bit dull in comparison to a single object that glimmers or sparkles or has a more pronounced edge to it, you just know that it's significant, and meant to be interacted with?
That's how I feel about the lines that I don't set out to write - the ones I just happen upon. I'll be minding my business, and stumble over a thought with a more pronounced edge; something I just know is significant, and meant to be interacted with.
I wrote about this phenomenon a while back, of ideas seemingly coming out of nowhere, and I've been noticing recently that there are many other situations in my life where something similar happens.
Because I'm a writer, much of my creative energy finds its way to me in strings of words, but I also see those shimmering edges around ideas I have for our home, for knitting projects, for relationships, and for community.
I've been feeling some stagnant, stuck kind of energy lately, like my brain is itchy and I need to change something big to scratch it.
Since learning more about my ADHD, I've come to understand this occasional impulse to uproot or shake up my life as something I can channel in a healthier way.
It's not realistic for me to sell my house right now, for example - though at first glance, that's what my impulse seems to want to do.
But it actually is realistic for me to purge a lot of the clutter that's been frustrating me and getting in the way of my functioning, which will also make it easier to move forward on some of the projects we've planned for Greta (our house) since we moved in two years ago that have been put on the back burner.
I had a conversation with my husband the other night about my itchy brain and how I need to be able to make some kind of positive change that I feel I have control over, and it's amazing how much simply articulating that need and making a plan to declutter helped soothe the itch.
Suddenly, I was looking around the dull, stagnant room at all the shimmering edges, just waiting to be interacted with.
I'm really proud of myself for recognizing that urgent, impulsive feeling, and finding the root of it to be able to channel it into something that will make me feel good in the long term as well as the short term.
Maybe sometimes, when I'm feeling stuck, I just need a reminder of possibility, and a plan; a bit of a shift in perspective, a zooming in, to help me see those shimmering edges that separate things from the background.
Do you ever have a similar experience with ideas standing out to you in a certain way? Or with an itchy brain? What do you do to help when you're feeling stuck? Let me know in the comments! I love hearing from you!
And, as always, if this resonated with you, feel free to share!
Yes! As a child I thought I was psychic because I'd get pulled into things naturally and I never realized it's exactly like a video game! I'm only just now starting to recognize this impulse to change everything all at once. In the past I'd "just" change jobs or move across the country. Lol. I've also found that I'm not a visual person at all, so sometimes I need to take photos of a space in order to fix the problems I'm encountering. For some reason I can see the issues in a photo but not in real life. Strange how brains work.
I really like this A. Learning I also have ADD a few years ago has added some context and clarity to my life. Ah yes, I understand better now. The challenge is shifting impulse and compulsion and that “itchy brain” ( I like that term; it fits) in a positive way. For me, writing has helped, taking a walk or a bike ride, listening to music, making a gratitude list, some self live affirmations and reaching out to someone I have been thinking of but have not spoken with in a while.
I really enjoyed reading your writing again! Thank you!