Things I want my children to know

and a bit of hope and healing for my inner child

I've written a couple posts here already about harmful theology and the toxic environment and abusive relationships it can create, and while I think there's plenty more to say, I've definitely felt a bit drained spending so much energy writing about it (so much so that I took last week off) so I wanted to pivot a bit for the moment to another, lighter aspect of my spiritual rewilding.

Just as I've asked that you take care of yourself when reading posts from this section of my newsletter, I'm trying to be gentle with myself through this process.

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Photo by GraphiDA on Unsplash

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Reflecting on my son's birthday earlier this week and thinking about what to write here for today has had me thinking about what kind of messages I do want my children to grow up with and internalize. Messages that I wish I'd heard as a child, some of which I still sometimes struggle to embody.

I've been interested in doing more inner child work, and though I hadn't necessarily intended for this to be that, I think it's been healing for me to reaffirm these things to myself as I think about what I want for my children, what they deserve, and what I deserved.

Things I want my children to know:

I want my children to know, with every molecule in their bodies, that they are inherently good. That they don't need to earn love or acceptance. That they are deserving of respect and kindness and care. That they are allowed to be themselves, loudly. That they can be many things at once, and all of them are beautiful. That all true expressions of their identities and their love are sacred. That all of those things are true of other people, too.

I want them to know that they are connected to everyone, everything in the universe. That they are literally made up of stardust.

I want them to know that they needn't search for pieces of themselves in others - that they are whole on their own. That sometimes, they will experience the joy of seeing themselves reflected in others. That sometimes, those reflections might cause pain as well.

I want them to know that no one has all their shit together. That we are all imperfect. That we are all wrong about - or at least oblivious to - something. That there is always more to learn. That no one religion, doctrine, dogma, etc. has all the answers, and that the more staunchly they claim they do, the more dangerous they likely are.

I want them to know that they can trust themselves. That their bodies and brains are doing their best to keep them alive; and that even when they get confused, the messages they send to them are valuable. That there is a deep knowing inside of them, even when it's hard to reach.

I want them to know that there are always new opportunities to learn, to grow, to fail and to try again and do better. That it's never too late to take responsibility for their mistakes, and for harm they've caused. That it's okay to forgive themselves. That shame leaves no room for healing.

I want them to know that they have a responsibility to other living beings and to the planet we all live on, to do as little harm and as much good as possible, because this life and what we do with it matters.

I want them to know that some things in this life are hard - so desperately hard; and that some things in this life are beautiful - so desperately beautiful. That we can hold them all together. That they are worth holding.

I want them to know that the small things are the big things - words and moments and actions; that they add up like grains of sand and drops in the ocean.

Maybe most of all, I want them to know how they are loved - wholly, fiercely, unconditionally - exactly as they are and were and will be, forever.

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I'm grateful to have you here. As always, you are welcome to share your thoughts in the comments

and to share this post if it resonates with you.

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