Making space for myself

Exploring what my word of the year means to me

In case you missed it: I am going to be creating an ongoing series of writer spotlights here on Substack. These pieces will highlight what I love about each writer's voice, and at the end I will compile some of my favourite excerpts of their work. I will be taking my time getting this set up (as my energy allows) and will share updates when it's ready to launch so you can opt in or out.

There is still time to vote in the poll about whether this series will live in its own section of Writing Wilder or become a separate publication. As it stands, it looks like everyone would like for it to stay here.

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I recently shared my word of the year - autonomy - and how it is meant to be a reclamation of myself, in the comments of this wonderful post by

Charlie Rewilding

, who aptly noted that it “brings up ideas of looking within instead of searching for the answer from other people or groups or constructs around us..."

And I thought, Yes, exactly!

I wrote about why I chose “autonomy” as my word of the year here:

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When I shared this, I had a clear understanding of why autonomy felt like the right word to embody, as well as a clear idea of what it meant to me, and the resulting feelings I am hoping for, but I was still very unsure how this might be implemented in a meaningful and sustainable way throughout the coming year.

So, naturally, I started making a list.

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Photo by Rachel McDermott on Unsplash

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To start, I thought of things I already do that I felt help support my autonomy, then added some things I could potentially try.

The result was a list that was quite short (and a bit disappointing), and I felt like I needed to expand it if I am to really approach this year differently.

I read Feel Something, Make Something by

Caitlin Metz

back in October, so I decided to try a mind map to assist the process.

What I came up with was varied, but the gist is: it really all leads back to making space for myself, and doing things that make me feel like myself.

This is, of course, going to be a process, not something I can arrive at overnight (thus why I chose it as my word of the year).

Dealing with my feelings of guilt about prioritizing my needs, and finding ways to make that possible, will obviously not always be simple or easy.

I also think that it's going to require me to move out of my comfort zone quite a bit, as well as rearranging certain things - sometimes literally - to be more within my comfort zone.

I'm sure I will be sharing more about this later in the year, or as new triumphs and challenges arise, but for now I thought I could share a bit of what I'm planning.

A lot of the things I want to be doing to facilitate my autonomy fall under more than one category, but at least at the moment, these are generally what I'm going for:

Alone time; literally time to be physically alone to recharge mentally in a space that feels comfortable.

Time off; from my kids, and from my phone/social media.

Connecting with my body; joyful and/or gentle movement, hygeine rituals, drinking more water and eating at regular intervals, journaling - anything that helps me be present in my body and the current moment.

Getting out of the house; going for walks, getting back into my morning ritual, getting my garden started in the spring, thrift shopping, scheduling a massage, doing a painting or pottery class, and hopefully getting a tattoo and taking a trip.

Creativity; making time for knitting, embroidery, and art/crafts in general, writing, listening to music, doing puzzles, and reading.

Adult connection; time alone with my husband, my regular colouring and book club, craft and game nights with friends, joining online read alongs, and hopefully therapy.

Comfort; decluttering/organizing/rearranging parts of our home where possible to create coziness and decrease overwhelm and overstimulation, reevaluating wardrobe for comfort and ease, revisiting favourite books and shows/movies, tea, lighting candles, etc.

You might notice that some of these just sound like basic self care and wonder how they directly relate to my autonomy, to which I will say: embodying autonomy for me means not only exploring what I need and want outside of others' expectations, but also prioritizing myself in a variety of ways on a consistent basis, many of which I have struggled with up to now for a lot of reasons.

A dysregulated person is less capable of evaluating their needs, engaging the world meaningfully, and pushing past their comfort zone to grow, and I have been regularly dysregulated for a long time.

Many of those small, basic steps are ones I have refrained from consistently taking, or found it difficult to access, despite being aware that they were something I needed.

Much of this process is probably going to look like me finding ways to make these steps more accessible for myself, whether that means resituating furniture so I will be more comfortable in a certain room of the house, or scheduling a bath or shower so that I actually take one, or reevaluating our budget/spending to make room for specific experiences.

My goal is to begin incorporating smaller changes into regular rituals, work toward any bigger changes at a steady pace, and evaluate what I need more (or less) of as I go, adjusting as necessary.

I also grabbed a notebook I've had forever and am going to be keeping a simple record each day of whatever I've done each that has made me feel like myself.

The other night, as I was thinking of all of my plans and hopes for the year, I felt more content than I have in a long time.

I really feel invigorated by the possibility in this, and I am hopeful that by making space for myself in this way, I'll be more capable of showing up for my family, my friends, and all of you here as well.

I can tell that this is the direction I'm needing to go, and I'm excited to share more with you as it unfolds!

Happy new year! I'd love to hear about the ways you're making space for yourself, or what makes you feel like yourself. And as always, feel free to share if this resonated with you!