Breaking barriers
On Lughnasadgh, turning 30, growth, and abundance
Before we start, a quick reminder that as of today (as a birthday gift to myself) I've turned on paid subscriptions!
If you have a free subscription, you'll continue to receive all the same content. You can think of the paid subscription as a sort of tip jar/donation. If you'd like to switch to paid, you'll be helping to facillitate my writing (and my support of other writers here), and you'll have my eternal gratitude. If you do it in the next few days, you can think of it as a birthday gift. ;)
In the northern hemisphere (where I live), tomorrow is Lughnasadgh.* My energy has been very focused on a few things this year - notably getting/staying out of burnout, knitting, and writing - so I have no garden to harvest from (except some flowers), no homemade bread or anything fancy in the works, and my plan is just to go to colouring club1 and maybe go for a walk in the park in the evening, and probably play some Stardew Valley.
*I'm not sure how I mixed up this date, but Lughnasadgh was actually on August 1st, the day this was posted - oops!
My birthday is Thursday, and I've been thinking about its coincidence with Lughnasadgh, which is traditionally a harvest celebration at the midpoint between the summer solstice and the autumn equinox, and the feeling of abundance that I've almost always felt this time of year. This year is, thankfully, no exception.
Thanks to a really difficult year last year, I spent this past winter truly wintering2 as much as possible. I said no to most commitments/celebrations/engagements, and said yes to rest, staying home, and activities that were more sustaining than draining. I did some puzzles and read more books and went to colouring club and did so much knitting.
After such a quiet winter, I entered into spring with a restless energy. I've spent a lot of the year so far thinking about how I want to start my 30s. I decided I want to feel more capable, and to be intentional about prioritizing things I find fulfilling. Now that it's summer, I've been directing more of my energy into trying to do more things that I've found difficult or scary, but that I really want to do.
There's a specific sort of mental block that came (for me) with my late-diagnosed autism/ADHD, and the added layer of having kids.
I've had an invisible barrier keeping me from doing so many of the kinds of things I'd imagined my adult self doing when I was younger. Many seemingly simple tasks have felt difficult or impossible for me, especially since becoming responsible for two tiny humans.
I've learned so much about myself and how my brain works, and how to work with myself - like having something intimidating broken down into smaller steps - and have recently been feeling generally much more capable due to serendipitously happening into some things I would have thought were beyond my capabilities (like writing this substack, and designing/selling my own knitting patterns3) at the time but that I ended up succeeding at, and really enjoying.
My partner has been really supportive through my burnout and my recovery, and we've managed to get some house projects done here and there, with me watching the kids and him doing the work, but that has meant that I didn't really have the opportunity to help or do any of it myself, and also that I was spending even more time parenting on my own, which was a big part of the reason I was so burnt out to begin with.
Because of these realizations, I've recently decided to start learning how to do some small house projects on my own. I started with literally just hanging a picture frame. I used a drill, which I technically have likely done at some point in my life before, but I couldn't recall if I had. It took me a comically long time to complete, but you know what? I did the thing! And it looks lovely. And now I'm not afraid of using the drill!
And now I'm working on replacing the trim around our front door - a task made more difficult by the previous homeowners' apparent lack of attention to detail - and planning out a front entryway project, and I've already learned how to use a couple different kinds of saws in the process.
I'm sure to many, these might seem like really small or easy things, but for me they feel big, and I've learned not to discount myself when I know the effort I put into something.
I'm going into my 30s feeling more capable than I have in years, and really proud of myself. I feel that sense of abundance and excitement that the energy of my birthday and this season has given me throughout my life, and grateful to be in a space where this is possible.
I am wishing you a joyful and abundant Lughnasadgh and harvest season. I hope you are able to do things that are fulfilling, even when they feel difficult. I hope you can look back on your growth and see it for all that it is - and see yourself for all that you are. I hope you feel proud of how far you've come, and capable of facing what's ahead.
Do you have any special plans or rituals for Lughnasadgh? Have you done anything that scares you, or that you're proud of recently? Are you harvesting anything you're excited about? Please feel free to share in the comments!
And if this post resonated with you, you're welcome to share.
Also, just a note: I'll be going through
’s generous branding bundle, so things might end up looking a bit different around here really soon. So if you end up noticing a difference in your inbox, it's still me!Did you know you can just start clubs for basically anything at your local library? I had meant to join a colouring club at mine last year, only to realize I'd gotten it mixed up with another nearby library, and accidentally ended up starting my own with my friends. We just meet about every other week and colour together and talk in the library. It's glorious.
I'm sure this was a term before
used it in her book, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat During Difficult Times, but it didn't mean anything to me until I read it. Perhaps the most freeing and nourishing book to have read while I was in the fog of autistic burnout with my chronic illnesses flaring, I can't recommend it enough.Shameless plug: my patterns so far are for knitted wall hangings. They're available through both etsy and ravelry, and if you're reading this before midnight on August 3rd, they're on sale for 30% off for my birthday! Also, if you're into knitting accounts, I share my knitting projects as well as my patterns on instagram.
Happy birthday A. Many blessings! This is my birth month too.
Happy early Birthday! I hope you have a blessed day. As a friend always says, "celebrate well". Remembering that rest is included in celebrations as they extend for a few days. One of the joys of getting older is realizing that you can, and should, celebrate birthdays over more than just one day.